Boy Toy
Our five-year-old nephew continues to delight us with updates about his johnson. It's quite an obsession. Actually, as my husband says, it's more like a life long love affair.
Connor is the first male grandchild in the family and the first male to be born into our family in over 30 years. So it's safe to say we're somewhat penis-impaired but apparently the whole 'penis' thing is very common. He talks about it all the time as if it's a very sensitive friend, "It doesn't like the bath." Lately it's even become an excuse to not eat his vegetables, "Broccoli makes it hurt." That was a good one. You gotta give him props for trying.
It's not like we encourage him either he just talks about it a great deal. I don't make any faces, I don't laugh, I make an effort not to stigmatize him and when he starts telling me all the things his penis likes and dislikes (sometimes I feel like I've met him in a bar before) I just say okay and I change the subject. Again, I know this is all very normal.
However, this past Sunday, he really through our family for a loop when we were all sitting down to dinner. There were eight of us at the table when suddenly he very matter of factly announced, "My penis has a bone." Well, my mother did a spit take, which of course launched us all into uncontrollable hysterics. He was laughing too with that naughty, impish, adorable little grin of his.
Then, just when we managed to get control of ourselves our seven-year-old niece, his older sister retorts, "Yeah, but not all the time just in the morning."
That was it. We were done. End of story.
Please do share your little boy 'johnson' stories with us if you've got them. We could all use another belly laugh on the subject. I never get tired of these stories. Please feel free to share little girl stories too.
Comments
what a pleasure to read something so funny this early in the morning. i, too, love the penis stories, but have to say, i spit my coffee out when i read "(sometimes I feel like I've met him in a bar before)". have a good day.
Once again you put a smile on my face!
I have two boys(3&4)last year I had to explain to Anthony why we don't take our pants off and hump our pillow when we have friends over. This year I heard Anthony tell my other son, Austin to lay on the bed. You see they had gotten undressed to take a shower. When I went to investigate I found Anthony on top of Austin...HUMPING HIM! Oh dear!
I was hoping I wouldn't need to have "The Sex Talk" for a few more years.
A couple of years ago when my son was 3 or 4, he came up to me in tears and told me that his really hurt badly. I asked him what he had done to it to make it hurt and he said nothing, just rubbed it. I totally lost it, I told him to leave it alone and eventually it would quit hurting and not to do that anymore. About 10 minutes later he came running back to me with a huge smile on his face telling me that I was right - it did quit hurting. My husband almost choked on the sandwich he was eating when I updated him on what had happened.
one summer our family went on our week-long vacation to new hampshire. the car-ride was always a bit of torture, considering my little brother would fart incessantly and ALWAYS deny it! this one particular car-ride, he made sure to get the attention of myself, and my mother and stepfather by screaming with glee, "LOOK!!!!! I PITCHED A TENT!!!!!" while gesturing wildly to his mini-erection
When my son was 3 he got a rash on his testicles from wearing a wet bathing suit. His 8 yr old cousin was with us for the day at the pool. He came up to me and said : Mommy my Tess-pickels are sore. I peeked into his pants and saw the rash. I wrapped a towel around him and put on a dry suit and some baby powder. Then he and his cousin went to buy a snack at the snack bar. As they walked away his cousin said, "The real name for them is Testicles....... but us guys call them Balls".
I think your nephew will make an excellent scientist. It's all about cause and effect. I had no idea broccoli makes it hurt?!
Live and learn.
You're so funny, Sherry!
I HOPE YOUR KEEPING YOUR NEPHEW AWAY FROM LILLY ... ESPECIALLY IN THE MORNING!!
I have a 3 1/2 year old boy. While he does not talk about it all the time, he does love to be naked, so we indulge him at home when we do not have any company. For him, his penis is more toy than friend. He loves seeing if he can hang toys off of it. We try to stay nonchalant about it, but sometimes it is so funny, you just can't help laughing, which of course only serves to encourage him.
We were watching America's funniest home videos last night when of course they show men getting hit in the family jewels by kids with bats. My 3 year old starts laughing and shouts "Ouch NUTS!!!" We both look at each other and to our toddler and ask where did he get hit? He smiles and says NUTS! His favorite saying now that he is potty training is Wee Wee. Why are the privates such a fascination?
My son is not yet old enough to talk about his penis, but he is thrilled with it nonetheless. I was found him rubbing it with a naked Barbie. A little disturbing. My 3-year-old daughter has been talking about penises since her little brother was born. She tells everone she knows "My brother has a penis, but I don't have a penis because I'm a girl." One day she going over a list of things she believed to be in the Bible and said, "The Bible says my brother plays with his penis." I haven't seen that particular verse, but it would explain a lot. And I will tell you there is nothing like the look on her Grandma's face every time she brings up the subject.
Bossy's son is nearly 18-years-old and frankly if he told a Johnson story at this point Bossy would pass out.
I just found out I am having a little boy. I am a single mother, 5 months pregnant with first child and I do not look forward to the awkward "don't touch your private" talk. My mom says to get ready for him to be peeing on me when I go to change him and everything. I am just so NOT prepared to raise this little boy. But I can't wait until I have some funny tells to tell.
With 3 boys I've had a lot of penis conversations. my favorite one was when my oldest son announced at 2nd b-day that he could make his "thingy" grow... Or when my 3rd son announced to the baby sitter that he wasn't supposed to show his thingy to anybody and if it wanted to come out to play he had to go to his room. My 2nd son never really got into the penis thing, he was freaked out though because he had a hole in his butt... or when he thought my daughter was hurt cuz he thought she broke her thingy off... Too cute.
I came accross this page when I asked a question about my grandson. I think after I have read some of these storys that my grandson is right on target LOL.
I became concerned a little when his other grandmother told me that he was taking it out all the time and pretendng it's a gun. I thought it be quite strange to do that. That maybe something was wrong. I had 4 boys, and none of them EVER expressed their attraction to their own penis in front of other family members. I never had to tell them that it was private or to go to their room to play with it lol. So, like I said I was concerned. So do you all think that pretending it's a gun and showing it to other people and trying to shoot them with it is ok? My daughter who is only 9 is with him alot, and I am kind of uncomfortable about her seeing him do this stuff. Please let me know if I'm over protective or sensitive. Thanks
THAT SOUND LIKE WHEN I WAS A KID.. LOL
THAT SOUND LIKE WHEN I WAS A KID.. LOL
Oh dear, this is all too funny!
It reminds me of the time that my twins Tom and Samantha had a sleep over. They were only 5 at the time and I went upstairs to go to sleep. A few minutes later I went back downstairs because I remembered that I hadn't told them I loved them. I opened up their tent to find them having sex!!!
I really chewed them out after that!
My son was pushing his penis back inside while he was sitting on the potty. I asked him what he was doing and he replied " I am putting in it's own little penis den so it can sleep and in the morning it just pops out."
My sister's little boy was sitting naked on the floor one day and had scrunched his body forward. When he did this, his penis retracted back into his fat little belly area. He looked down and exclaimed, "Oh, look mommy! It went into the clubhouse!" That story is sure to stay with our family for years!
My oldest sister has a son and daughter. When the son was about 9 and daughter was about 8, they came home from school one day in a dilemma. The 9 year-old had heard some older boys on the bus talking about "testicles". My nephew walked in and asked, "Dad, what are testicles?" In reply, my niece chimed in and said, "Duh, stupid! They are the arms on an octopus!" That little girl has just graduated high school this year and my family reminds her of this story every chance we get! It's sure to be a classic.
My son is 5, and here at home he is naked most of the time, and he plays with his penis a lot. To try to limit his playing with it I told him if he plays with it too much it will fall off. My sister has a 4 year old daughter and they were. My son was already naked so my sister took her daughters clothes off so they could play together naked. They played a few minutes then my son comes running to me saying "Mommy, Suzy lost her dinky just like you said. She don't have it. And she didn't bring it with her. She must have played with it too much." It took quite a while for me and my sister to stop laughing.
my son and his male friend sucked on each other's dick
i was baby sitting my friends little girls and her 3 year old brought me her panties and she they were wet and i asked why she said she was peeing like a boy...
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my son at the age 4 went into the closet under the stairs and came out a while later with blue permanent marker on his face and arms so we stripped him to clean him up to find he had also coloured in his penis
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