Swim Suits With Built-In Skirts

The swim suit in question (You don't think I'd model it do you?!) This is starting to look like Ebay....

Okay, the last time I wore a bathing suit with a built in skirt was when I was sporting maternity clothes....and I really was pregnant not just fat. Now, I'm just the latter. This is what I've been reduced to ladies: tankinis with matching sarongs. I never used to be embarrassed about my body but I really think I'm developing a body dysmorphic disorder. I'm only a size 10 and I don't think that is really that huge. I say only a size 10 because I read somewhere that the size of the average American woman is 16. (I love reading articles like that, I can never remember who was buried in Grants tomb but facts like those I never forget.)

Any way, as I was saying......my mother purchased (I think that made it worse) a swimming skirt for me for my birthday. It was a real wake up call. I'll never forget when my husband wryly asked if I packed my 'Swimming Frock' when we were heading out to Nantucket. I felt like saying, "Go ahead, have an affair I'm tired of you already!" As soon as Lily goes back to school (Tuesday), I'm going to sign up for kick boxing classes. So the next time my husband makes a crack like that I'll just have to drop kick his ass.

I recently went to Jenny Craig. They told me their program was going to cost $750 plus the cost of food. The woman asked me, "Realistically, how much do you hope to lose on Jenny Craig?" I replied, "$750 plus the cost of food."

Kids & Light Houses

Brant Point Light House, Nantucket, Ma

What is it about light houses that attracts children so much?! Is it the comforting familiarity of the color schemes: black and white; or red and white? Is it that they don't look like any other houses? They're so identifiable, like firemen? Or is that they represent a beacon of hope in a storm?

Brant Point was the latest light house to be crossed off on Lily's 'Map Of American Light Houses' that we've visited. We're up to 14 now. She's obsessed with light houses. When we move, her new room will definitely sport a nautical theme. But I'll keep the bottle of rum in my room.

A Very Large Spider

Lily playing on the Spider Web at the Children's Beach in Nantucket

Lily loves to climb. She's been scaling the heights ever since the first time she climbed our book shelf when she was a wee eleven months old. Play ground spider webs are one of her favorite things to play on. She kept busy for about an hour on this one at the beach. She fell once but the soft sand broke her fall. She looked upset but I just kept a big smile on my face as I shouted out, "It's okay, no blood!" That always works. If only Johnson & Johnson could make a first aid kit that shouted out "no blood" and gave magic kisses the world would be a better place.

Summer 2007 Vacation Pix

There once was a girl from Nantucket........

We were on the beach in Nantucket when I took this shot of Lily emerging from the sea....our little venus on the half shell. If you ever find yourself in Nantucket hit the Children's Beach, it's just perfect for your little ones. It's in a sheltered cove, has an ice cream store less than 100 yards from the water (overpriced but it's Nantucket) and has a bitchin' playground for the kiddies.

If you take the ferry to Nantucket do yourself a favor and take the high speed. It costs a little more than the more traditional ferry but it's only one hour each way...and you know how hard it is to keep little ones occupied on a boring boat ride. Bite the bullet and take the high speed. It's worth the credit card debt. PS - There's a bar on board to help you forget!

My Four Year Old Is A Fink

Now I rarely if ever buy Lily fast food but boy does she love it! I swear there must be cocaine in those McDonalds fries. Now her father simply flips out when he learns she's had anything from Mickey Ds. So I told her, every once in a while I'll buy you something from McDonalds but you mustn't tell daddy because it's not healthy and daddy will get mad. She looks at me with that angelic face and says, "Okay mama, I love you."

Liar.

This weekend we drove past a McDonalds and that's when she proceeded to rat me out. Here's the speech she gave her father:

"Daddy that's McDonalds [pointing to it]. You should never eat McDonalds because it's very bad for you. It's not healthy at all. It will make you fat and sick. I prefer chicken and broccoli, I also like bananas......[pause]......but if I were to eat McDonalds I'd have the fries and a small chocolate shake! That's my favorite. Was that good mama?"

Fast Food

Every once in a while I do something very bad: I give Lily a chocolate shake and french fries from McDonalds. Yes, that's right. Me, the woman who is always espousing the virtues of organic food and prides herself on only serving such fare to her family (except when it comes to meat - I'd need to take out a seond mortgage to afford that) falls face first right into the lap of Ronald McDonald.

And I have no excuse. I've seen Morgan Spurlock's SUPER SIZE ME. I know the list of ingredients on most items served there reads like an AP chemistry lesson but sometimes I just need the convenience of a drive thru. If only they had drive thru salad bars! They could call it Toss Your Salad. They'd get a lot of attention with that one. Sales would be though the roof and for once, men would be eating healthy.

Be rest assured that when I purchase these items for Lily I make sure to reinforce the notion that fast food is just a snack not a meal and that mommy was just in a rush and that we should all make healthier choices and that global warming is bad, the diamond market is evil, women are oppressed, blah blah blah the speech goes on for ages.

The one thing I don't need to keep reinforcing though is that McDonalds makes you fat. Because the minute we pull into a McDonalds parking lot anywhere there are at least three or four 300lb people waddling about. Lately, we've been seeing their fat progeny as well. It's a crying shame.

I think we should all just live by the decree of fast food. When it comes to food, if it's fast then we should do just that.....fast...at least once a week. That's right, don't eat it for gods sake. I know people are busy and moms are working but if we don't watch out our kids won't only inherit the national debt. Can you imagine they tap a vein on these kids and their blood type comes up Pepsi?! It's not funny people.

4 Year Olds And Nose Picking

I don't know what it is about four year olds that makes them such avid nose pickers. Lily joined the ranks of the nasal explorers in January, just a month after her fourth birthday. Is it that their hand eye coordination is better at this age? Their little fingers are more adept at extracting boogers? And why does the appearance of a camera somehow enduce them to dive in?

My sister's official Kindergarten school photo had to be re-shot because the photographer caught her in mid pick. And while her entire class managed to sing songs for their 'moving up' ceremony at the end of the year, my sister was picking her nose the whole time. Much to the embarrassment of my mother but I thought it was hysterical. I was 10 at the time. Mind you, I still think it was hilarious. In fact, we have a picture of her doing it in front of the Eiffel Tower as well. I think every family has got one of those photos in their vacation album.

Lily apparently requires some Occupational Therapy because her ability to hold a pencil is tenuous at best. But somehow she manages to extract boogers that are lodged so far up in her naval cavity they bring on tears. I told her Occupational Therapist to just tell her the pencil is a big booger. Maybe then she'll get her grip going.

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey there readers! I'm back! Yes, it's me in the flesh.....good ole Sherry Davey your personal funny mom. I've been out of touch because my bloody Mac died again. Yes! And I only had the entire mother board replaced in October of 2006. I fuckin' hate Macs and will go out of my way to disparage them whenever possible. Screw Steve Jobs and his planned obsolescence. I know, now you're as mother bored as I am with the whole bloody thing. I'll stop my rant now. (But please, unless you want to throw your precious time and money out the window, stay away from Macs.)

We've had a great summer so far. We've traveled, had many pool parties, been to many barbecues, had kids over for play dates (even the awful, flat-leaving girl from next door), been to museums, visited with family, had great shows, fought with neighbors, and it's not even over yet! I've missed you guys! We have so much to catch up on.

Today, we had the boys from behind (I know that sounds like a porno title doesn't it?) over. Those are the two brothers who live in the house directly behind ours. They are moving in three weeks and we're really going to miss them. They're the sweetest kids. They play ever so nicely together with Lily and they're quite a hoot. The younger one, who's four like Lily, forgot the word yawn today and when he did so proclaimed, "I have wind in my mouth." The older boy discussed poop and diarrhea very openly over lunch. And he claimed it was okay because we were eating cold food (sandwiches). He said it's only wrong to discuss hot farts when you're eating hot food. Like I said, I'm really going to miss them.

I need to catch up on my posting. I'm going to post some pictures as well for you......but not of farts. I know, you can't have it all.